Being a people pleaser is a big reason why so many people are unhappy. The moment when you can realize that you will not be able to please everyone is when you lead a much happier life.
Especially if you are an entrepreneur. Of course, you want to make your clients and customers happy – but it can’t be at the cost of your own wellness!
I definitely had big issues with this in the past. (I’m sure we have to some extent).
Until I began to realize that people were taking advantage of my kindness. When I needed help from those I have helped, they never even bothered to help me. I got tired of it.
15 Warning Signs You Might Be A People Pleaser
1. You put everyone else’s needs above your own.
You put everyone else’s happiness and needs above your own.
If you’re constantly trying to make others happy in the hope that, in return, that will make YOU happy, then I have bad news for you…
Remember, you shouldn’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm, just like you shouldn’t drain yourself to keep others full.
2. You avoid conflict.
You’ll do everything you can to avoid a conflict because you can’t stand up for your opinions and the things you believe in.
3. You apologize for things that aren’t your fault.
You feel that everything that is happening is your fault, even when things are out of control.
So you apologize. Often.
4. You never ask for help or support.
You pretend to be okay, but you are not. You pretend to be happy but you are hurting on the inside. I advise you not to hide your feelings.
It’ll only lead to your misery.
5. You avoid difficult conversations because you don’t want to “upset” others.
Even when something is bothering you, you won’t mention it, for fear of hurting the other person.
In your head, it’s easier to keep negative feelings to yourself, rather than make people unhappy or cause rifts in friendships.
6. You take full responsibility for others’ emotions.
Just like with apologizing for things that aren’t your fault, you take full responsibility for things you have almost no control.
Hear me out, whatever you do, you can’t control the emotions of others, only to some extent. It’s up to them how they respond to certain things.
7. Saying “no” is a challenge for you.
It’s a hard task to say “no” to others’ favors, invitations, etc. You want to be the person that everybody can depend on, or you just feel that you’ll upset the other person if you reject them.
Being compassionate and attentive to other people’s needs isn’t the same as going along with people’s wishes. Sometimes a hard truth might be the most compassionate thing one can say.
And sometimes evading that hard truth is better. It is one of the instances when one has to be wise in order to walk the line between people-pleasing and not caring carefully.
8. You agree with everyone even when you disagree deep down.
Even when you strongly disagree with an opinion, you won’t show it and you’ll pretend to agree just to feel accepted.
You’re scared that if you don’t go along with others, you’ll be hated, abandoned, ridiculized, judged, or that they will get the wrong idea of you and/or will be angry at you and you can’t stand that feeling.
Nevertheless, being passive leads to dissatisfaction and being manipulated by others.
9. Good impressions matter the world to you.
You constantly fear how other people will perceive you. You want everyone to like you. This continuous need of proving your worth to others messes up with your brain and thoughts.
10. You don’t bring up important things that matter to you.
Not being able to speak about important things that you care about in fear of not being heard or understood, and/or not given the deserved attention, can lead to feelings of loneliness.
11. You constantly fear you’re a burden.
The idea of seeking out help and reaching out to others may be overwhelming to you. You feel like when you open up about your problems, you bombard the other person.
Or you as a whole person you feel a burden to others.
Understand that this is a negative thought, and most of the time negative thoughts are untrue. Some of these ideas are unconsciously stored in your mind.
Therefore, when these thoughts and feelings are triggered and arise again, wait. Then, CHOOSE to change the direction of your thoughts and keep going with a more positive perspective. This is called “thought-stopping”.
12. You are not your true self.
You filter your “true self” around people and only show what you think will be accepted. You want to tell that joke, but you don’t.
You want to tell that story when you were a kid, but you’re afraid that they might think you’re weird.
This excessive filtering of yourself leads to excessive overthinking and anxiety.
13. You seek and depend on validation from others
To feel happy and special, you need to hear positive things about yourself. You rely on the opinions of others to feel good about yourself. But, then…
14. If someone doesn’t like you, you feel crushed.
Following the above. If you do not receive the validation you seek from others, you feel crushed and overthink what you may have said or done to them.
Or you just ask yourself: “Why doesn’t he/she like me? How is this even possible? What can I do to change his/her perception of me?”
15. You’ve tied your entire character to pleasing people.
You believe that helping/caring for others is linked to your self-worth. When you want to say “no,” you think to yourself, “I don’t want to be selfish,” “I don’t want to be mean,” or “That’s just who I am, I can’t help myself.”
Think about it for a moment…
Do you do this out of true desire? Or because you feel obligated? You think: “I have to do this, I have to help him/her, etc.”
It’s up to you to change your belief system.
Is it worth it to keep “everyone” happy when it damages your own happiness and mental health in general?
You only have 24 hours every day. Don’t waste them thinking about what others might think of you.
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